Wednesday, January 27, 2010

"It's down to this- I've got to make this life make sense..." 3 Doors Down - Away From the Sun

I feel like I have no direction. The feeling you have when you are underwater in the ocean and a wave comes by- you're swimming and swimming but have no idea which way is up. That is how I feel right now.
I'm 24 with no direction. I have a degree in something apparently useless. Why did i even go to college? I quit my job with high hopes and ambitions- no job prospects to speak of, but fully believing that things would fall into place for me, like they always have.
Now, I'm in no way regretting the decision, as I was extremely unhappy at the job, however, I don't know where to go from here.
There's got to be a 'right' direction for me. I've been on this path, or so I thought, that was supposed to lead me up or... around... to somewhere other than NO where.
Right now, unemployed, I have an opportunity to really figure out at least what my next step should be. But I'm stuck! I'm overwhelmed, confused, and frustrated. Very frustrated because I feel like I should know what to do next - especially since I took such a drastic step with quitting my job... But here I am.
I have so many interests that I don't know which direction to go. I have to figure out what I want to do as a career, and not just as a hobby. I don't know what interest I have that I'd be happy to do with most of my time for the rest of my life. For instance, I love to sing and dance, but I don't want that to be my job. I love reading, but only if I can read what I enjoy and not be forced to read something I find dull. Like in school, I loved English, but hated reading when the required piece was uninteresting and seemed to have no point.
I enjoy research but only when I'm interested in the subject.
Also, I hate sitting at a desk all day. I know that isn't something I was cut out to do. I've always known that. I like flexible hours, but who doesn't? I think the crazy part, the part that is pushing me along, is the knowledge that I'm different. That I don't belong in Corporate America.
But what makes me special? What makes me stand out? That's what I need to discover...

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