Friday, August 6, 2010

Another Late Thoughtful Thursday

I'll do whatever it takes
to turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe it, I can change it
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes

Song of the Day: Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse
Current Mood: broken

So, I'm not big on airing out my personal problems to the world (never know who might be cyber stalking me...), so I'm just going to be quite vague about the specifics and only give you the scoop on my emotions on how I'm feeling. Sound like a plan?

Basically I was an idiot and the hubs did not approve of my actions. And now we are at this point... well. It's not a good point to find yourself.

So I'm going to tell you right now that I love my husband more than everything in this world. He is the reason I wake up every day, he is the reason I strive to be a better person. He inspires me. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my whole life, and he saved me from a life path that would have been filled with angst and emotional turmoil.
Losing him, obviously, would be the worst thing to happen to me.

Because of this, hurting him kills me inside. Seeing him in pain, pain that I brought on no less, tears me up. In any situation where he is hurt i want to kill the person who did it to him. Well guess what. This time it's me.

I'm torn up inside. Disappointed in myself, and scared about what is going to happen next. Hoping for the best, fearing for the worst. Wishing I could do it all over, and not screw up. Wishing I could rewind to Wednesday, {best birthday ever!} and savor it just a bit longer before the bomb dropped on Thursday.

I want and need friends. All the people I used to turn to and confide in have disappeared. The girls I would hang out with and spend time with, the one's who would be right by my side right now... They're gone.

I've got to fix this. It's my fault, i did wrong, and now I have to fix it. I only hope he will let me.

I guess only time will tell.


  1. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. :( Try not to beat yourself up too much - we all make mistakes now and then!

  2. Thanks so much! I so appreciate your encouraging words right now!