Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Talkin' about Forgiveness: the 'My Dad' version

Forgiveness, is more than saying sorry.
To forgive is divine. So let's have a glass of wine.
And have make-up sex until the end of time, time, time, time,

Song of the Day: Forgiveness(?)- Samantha James in the movie Just Friends
Current Mood: trying to not have a headache. Does that count as a mood? because it's really all I can think of... And yes, I'm totally leading this negative post with a silly song in order to avoid feeling so... depressed... about today's Day of Truth topic...

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Easy one: My father.
I know that it's not good to harbor ill will toward others, or to have anger inside that you keep bottled up. I'm fully aware that holding on to pain can keep you miserable for years on end.
But this is one person who I've yet, in my 25 years of life, to grant forgiveness. As I've gotten older, I've heard phrases telling me forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, it heals the soul, on and on.
I believe that. Completely, beyond a doubt. But for some reason I just can not forgive this man. I feel like I have on some days, but other days my hurt and anger rears it's ugly head, and I feel like I need to forgive again.
Maybe it's because he keeps doing things I feel like I need to forgive him for. Instead of improving, he goes and does something worse. And it's hard to keep forgiving. I'd rather just not care. I'd rather just let it go.
If forgiveness is an art then forgiveness is not my specialty. But maybe one day it will be.

For a quick synopsis that barely skims the top of my relationship with my father, here are some of the high points:
*Divorced from my mother when I was 18 months
*Never paid child support...
*Therefore, gave up what little bit of custody rights he had
*Saw me twice a year, once for birthday once for christmas, but never on the actual day
*Talks about women like they are for his entertainment
*Complete manipulator, guilt tripper, and charmer
*Crazy mood swings- but NEVER happy
*Feels entitled to have or get everything he wants (this includes women)
*Currently in a loveless marriage with his 3rd wife
*For more accurate descriptions, listen to Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might be a Redneck..."

Who do you need to forgive? And why is forgiveness so hard sometimes?!

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